Philan Ross

A British artist working in Japan. 🇬🇧
日本で働いているイギリス人のアーティストです。🇯🇵

Hi Everyone!

I'm Philan. I'm grateful that you stopped by. On this page, you'll find my attempt at collecting all my art, projects & learning resources I have made throughout the years. Navigating through this site is a bit like looking inside my mind, it's a little chaotic. There's a lot here so if you've got some time to kill, please feel free to spend as much time as you like. (Also, this website is not finished, lots of buttons don't work fyi)If I'd have to describe myself in a way for you to take the slightest interest in what I do on here, enjoy the opening lines from my work CV: "A 26-year-old who is a curious, creative, and mathematically minded Biochemistry with Chinese language graduate with research experience in Structural Biology. Keen to share knowledge and holder of interests from a wide range of disciplines including language learning, songwriting, philosophy & science communication."

Recommended music to listen to whilst browsing this website like it's circa 2010:
With A Spirit by 009 Sound System
or
Kalimba by Mr. Scruff
or
Busy Walking by 👇 (for no early internet vibes)

Figure 1: a picture of me singing Kowarekake no Radio 壊れかけのRadio in Cul-Port かるぽーと. I wrote some English lyrics for the first verse.

Main Links

Fun Fact of the day when I can be bothered to update this:In Breaking Benjamin's Blow me away, he unfortunately does not sing "fire you ghosts".

Original Music

It's all self-produced (un)fortunately.🤷
私の音楽は自作です。🫡

A brief intro

I've compiled a bunch of my releases on this page. You'll also find some unreleased WIP stuff near the bottom. I update this regularly so you can follow along if you want to!

This week's highlight

Here's a recording of molecules I did in my room

Listen to it on

Textbooks

Listen to Textbooks here!

Lyrics
Been thinking should be working
Another wasted night
Controlling all the urges
While I wait for the reply
And I know you're not around
I'm better by myself
But these days man I've been missing someone else
You showed me how to love you
But I wouldn't try my best
I said sorry 'cause I had to
While you'd clean up all my mess
And I know that it's just lazy
I'm not one for absolutes
I think it's crazy that you let me off the hook
And I know so I've been told
To make things last you need the drive to carry on
Was it so the times I fold
I just pretend I didn't like it after all
Need to take on all these lessons
Said I'd work upon my health
Even when I make the effort
Still can't tell if it's gone well
There always seems to be some mess-up
And I'm trying to get help
Said I've been reading all the textbooks
But I'm just lying to myself
Said I've been reading all the textbooks
But I'm just lying to myself
I'm waiting for somebody
But don't know exactly who
Maybe on the screen in front of me
So I'll stay here in my room
And I thought that I had fought back
But guess I haven't changed
I switched the format but the content's still the same
And I know so I've been told
To focus on the things you have the most control
Was it so the times I fold
I just pretend that I forgot about before
Need to take on all these lessons
Said I'd work upon my health
Even when I make the effort
Still can't tell if it's gone well
There always seems to be some mess-up
And I'm trying to get help
Said I've been reading all the textbooks
But I'm just lying to myself
Said I've been reading all the textbooks
But I'm just lying to myself
I've been reading all the textbooks
But I'm just lying to myself

Squares

LyricsI wish that time won't tick past my alarm
The caffeine hits are what keeps me stick to my schedule
And they say that I should be saving
And I spend all my free time working but I'm still broke
But remember those times at uni
When you said that you're way to busy
What a joke
A world of squares surrounds me when I'm coming home
I'll take you there and we'll stop and stare through the bus window
At the sunset and the city as the sky's lights slowly leaving the streetlamps glow
But there's no one who'll be waiting as we approach the bus station we're on our own
A world of squares surrounds me when I'm coming home

The Music Video

The music video is the latest addition to Squares. It contains some organic go pro footage we recorded during our gigs and open mics playing as a band. These clips would be contrasted by AI interpretations of the lyrics. The raw lyrics were fed into freely available AI text to image, image to video & text to video AI tools.In October 2024, it was very obvious the clips were AI generated. However, today, it concerns me as to how indistinguisable AI clips have become. If I made the music video again today, I don't think I would have been as comfortable using the generated clips.

Listen to Squares here!

About Squares

Squares was the first and only song we recorded as part of our band "Sprue". We formed Sprue near the beginning of 2024 with friends Frankie & Shennon. The lyrics were about my commute to and from work, when I was teaching GCSE Maths at a local school in Manchester. The first verse is about my morning routine, whilst the second verse describes sitting on the bus coming back into Manchester city centre.The song was self-produced in my Dad's garage. Shennon & Frankie would get the train down to my hometown where we would record the entire song for 2 days. We recorded between 30 to 40 tracks and I'd take another few weeks to mix and master it.We would go on to play Squares in every set we did, attending some regular Manchester open mics. Despite the song flopping, it means a lot to us and is probably the song I am most proud of in terms of production quality, collaboration, and sound (feel like we really made something unique with this one).

Credits

Strangers

LyricsBreak my heart
Cus I want to feel the start
Of something that will rid this apathy
I don't mind if it's tough
Cus my heart has had enough
Encounters to know what's up when you talk to me
But I miss those times in my room,
When you sat on my bed and talked about the things you said that week
And you gave me an update on your history
And I wonder if you feel the same?
Do you browse and look back on old Facebook chats?
We were keen.
Remember the friends that we used to be.
Cus now we're strangers,
Ever since you left for that new city
Feel like strangers
Occasionally check your social media feed
Feel like strangers,
Or at least not like what we used to be
Feel like strangers,
And I'm sorry if I was too shallow to see.
Changed my bones
To let all this go,
Now can I pick myself up if I'm about to fall?
Mind and soul
Are they the same?
I want to know
And I feel like reading Plato has not helped at all.
Maybe you can enlighten me?
You could come round my place and we'll stay up till 3
Just talk like the way that we used to
How's that seem?
And I wonder if you feel the same?
Do you browse and look back on old Facebook chats?
We were keen.
Remember the friends that we used to be.
Cus now we're strangers,
Ever since you left for that new city
Feel like strangers
Occasionally check your social media feed
Feel like strangers,
Or at least not like what we used to be
Feel like strangers,
And I'm sorry if I was too shallow to see.
Break my heart
Cus I want to feel the start
(Feel like strangers)
Of something that will rid this apathy
(And I'm sorry if I was too shallow to see)

Listen to Strangers here!

About Strangers

Strangers, like Squares, is a song close to my heart. The song was written (lyrics and chords) on an evening in May 2023. From May of that year to November, the song would be worked on. I recorded strangers with my friends Frankie & Amelia.The entire creative process for strangers was recorded on an old camcorder I still use. Clips from this would feature in the music video, but I'm currently debating whether or not I should make a whole video about it. I personally find it pretty interesting, it's just I have to siv through hours of videos and dialogue :(.There were a few different versions of strangers. The latest version (I released earlier this year (2025)), was a remix and remaster of the original. We'd also play a live version of strangers live in our band, where there are some added guitar lines by Frankie and an extra chorus added by Shennon.Strangers is a song that I'm pretty proud of, it was made over a 6 month period whilst I had a bunch of other shit I had to get cracking with.

Credits

Molecules

About the song

In this ballshit age of AI, it's becoming more and more apparent for an artist to stay as authentic as possible. I think this particular version of molecules is a part of my attempt at doing so. It's literally the first take I made, completely uncut, of recording this song so you can hear and see all the mistakes and subtle changes that were made compared to how I envisioned the performance going.The guitar pick I planned on using falls unexpectedly from my guitar, I miss a few notes in the final melody, you can hear the loop pedal clicking, the camera placement is suboptimal. I am aware of these imperfections, but showing them is key to combat the fakeness and vanity of this online shit fest we live in.It's not that being authentic requires mistakes to be made; afterall, there are many ways of showing authenticity that don't require mistakes: saying exactly what comes to mind with clarity, expressing your emotions, behaving in a way that feels comfortable, not caring about how other people see you, not being fearful of your surroundings. These are arguably parts of defining authenticty that most people will accept. But the fact you make mistakes in your performance points to authenticity. That if there is a mistake in the playing, it's likely authentic and real. But if there are no mistakes, it becomes ambigious whether it is fake or real.To follow from Plato's cave wall analogy, the fact a shadow appears on a cave wall is an indication of their being an object casting it, but the object casting it does not rely on the shadow to actually exist. Mistakes are the shadow, authenticity is the object.

Don't Hold My Hand

LyricsDon't hold my hand
I need some space, to be a better man
And I know I've said too much
I can't explain, don't deserve your touch
So why do I always feel this way
I use my heart never trust my brain
I fall apart, have I even changed?
The things I start never keep the pace
Try stop my lies,
Is it in vain? I won't compromise.
How can I change if I close my eyes?
Tear up the page, it's not what I like
Words said that time,
I meant it then, but I've changed my mind
Another plan that I can't decide
Just take my hand and we'll leave tonight

Listen to Don't hold my hand here!

About the song

Originally wrote at the end of December 2022, don't hold my hand evolved into my favourite song to play with my looping pedal. The lyrics describe the self improvement process that a lot of us start fresh out of a break up.The original version was released in October 2023, and the live looping pedal version in July 2024. Would be interested to know which version you like better.

Credits

WIP Shit

It's all self-produced (un)fortunately.🤷
私の音楽は自作です。🫡

The Acoustic Album I'm working on

Hello. Currently, I'm in the middle of working on a new album. This will be the place where I upload all the shit I'm doing for it (well not all the shit because I cba, but the cool shit that I think is worth your time).Currently I have a working title: "Pondering in the Apartment". Why this title? Well, it's because I plan on self-producing the entire of this album in my apartment. I realise it's quite a pretentious name, but then again, I'm a pretentious person I suppose.I've planned to try and make it a 7 song album. Why 7? Well. Because I'm lazy and 7 songs is the bare minimum requirement for an album on streaming platforms. The 7 songs are as follows:1. Wooden Squares (Finished! (basically))
2. Thousands (Nearly Finished, but not happy with the mix atm)
3. BIOL21473 (Remastered & Remixed version I finished in feb 2025)
4. Textbooks (Written, but not finished)
5. (still thinking about this one)
6. Now we're strangers (But still thinking about this one too)
7. Pack my bags and say my goodbyes (It's basically a complete redo of my song Travelling Home)
I'll update the hyperlinks now and again so you can follow the progress I'm making.Speaking of progress, as of today (May 18th), I have just pretty much finished the first song in the album called Wooden Squares. It's essentially a combination of Squares and the song hyperlinked to this sentence.I will upload the song to soundcloud, so you can listen to the raw mix (Though bear in mind it hasn't been mastered).I also hope to eventually make a decent music video for at least one or two of the songs, but I'm still debating this. I think making the use of the fact I'm in Japan is probably a good reason to make one.

Figure 3: Some Doodles that I did when I was bored in class. I thought maybe it would make a good album cover, but not sure it will work for this album. Take this image as placeholder for now....

Recording Stuff I'm using

Main Microphrone Shure SM57
Audio Interface Scarlett Solo 3rd Gen
DAW Mixcraft Pro Studio 10.6
Mixing Headphones Audio Technica ATH-M30X
Main Acoustic Guitar Baton Rouge AR21C/ACE
Main Eletric Guitar 1994 Fender SSH Mexican Standard
Main Bass Guitar Squire P-Bass

WIP Song links

Japanese Study

日本語を勉強するのは私の生活で一番難しいものです。 😭
中文也很难,但是我最近没怎么说中文。😢

Some useful resource links

I am currently studying for the JLPT N2.I have passed N3 and N4.I have not added anything here yet, apart from this one unfinished ramble of thoughts.Wednesday April 22nd 2026 10:16These thoughts have been floating around my head for some time, but I have not explicitly written them down. I had convinced myself most of what I wanted to express was obvious, but after having some discussions with friends and colleagues, the following seemed more useful than I first expected.When studying a language, it is important to “attack” a word/ phrase/ sentence from multiple different angles.The first angle could be pronunciation. For example, take the sentence:言われてみれば、確かにそうかも。Here, you don’t need to focus on what this sentence means, but simply listen to a Japanese speaker (preferably a native speaker) say this sentence, and try your best to imitate the sound. It doesn't matter about meaning. The game is to be a parrot, to sound as close as possible to a native speaker saying this sentence.The second angle could be the listening angle.Listen to a Japanese speaker say the sentence multiple times:言われてみれば、確かにそうかも。Then, instead of parroting, try and recall the meaning. You could make a flashcard on your computer, hear the sound, and then review an appropriate English translation.Replay the sound until you are able to recall the translation easily. This process will inevitably take time. Remember, aiming to recall the exact English translation every time is not the goal; ideally after hearing this sentence and recalling it over and over again, you eventually will not need to look at the English translation at all.It’s like when someone says “don’t think of an elephant” and you immediately think of an elephant. You want this same automatic mapping between the sound and its meaning, instant and unhindered.The third angle could be the grammatical angle.言われてみれば、確かにそうかも。Break it down grammatically to improve your understanding of it.
言う (to say) becomes 言われる (passive), which becomes 言われて (て-form), which connects to みる, forming 言われてみる (“to try being told / when told”), which becomes 言われてみれば (conditional: “if/when you are told…”).
This is followed by 確かに (certainly), そう (in that way), and かも (a casual way of saying maybe).
So perhaps a direct/ clunky translation of the sentence is:
“if you go say it like that, it certainly might be the case in that way.”Which is more naturally put as:“Now that you say it like that, that’s actually kind of true.”The grammatical angle can be broken down, perhaps dangerously, as far as you want, and for most learners, this angle takes up a large proportion of their study time.The problem is, there are many more angles:
4. recalling it in speech.
5. recognising it while reading a paragraph.
6. noticing when it is said in its natural context.
7. understanding each individual word.
8. recalling it under pressure.
9. Still recognising it with minor grammatical alterations
10. hearing it sung in a song.
…..
The number of angles is not fixed, and my point is not to exhaust yourself by spending time on all of them. The key point is that the phrase must be attacked from multiple angles, no matter what the angle it is.
Often when studying, students focus on studying a phrase using one specific angle (usually one that feels the easiest to them), and get bogged down on why they still feel unable to use or understand the very phrase they spent hours studying. The problem is not effort, it’s dimensionality; you’ve spent all your time grinding the grammatical/ reading angle and unknowingly disregarded the others.The Underlying PhilosophyLanguage is really a continuous process that looks discrete on paper.It looks like words are analogous to blocks of meaning that when neatly ordered and logically arranged in the right way give rise to language as a whole. But the neatly orderlyness of language was an afterthought.What came first were the rhythm, the emotions, the expressions, the sounds. All of these things existed long before writing systems and formal logic. It’s not that thinking in this kind of grammar first way is useless, it’s obviously not, but this angle should not be mistaken for what language actually is, how language actually behaves.If you treat one angle as the foundation, you risk mistaking the map for the territory.Language is not built from words, words are just one way that we use to describe it.

Blog, Journal & Essays

This is where I talk shit for a bit and hope you listen.🗣️
色んなトピックについて話します。😊

Writings

2026年3月7日 (日) 00:00

The Explanatory Gap

How’s Little Mary Feeling Today?

Fun Facts that might prove usefulThe Hard Problem of Consciousness: Coined by David Chalmers in his book The Conscious Mind (1996), Chalmers explains the gap between physically explaining conscious experience through scientific explanation, such as by using neuronal mechanisms etc, and the subjective experience felt by the first person observer. How and why should the physical mechanism of pain give rise to the feeling of pain itself?Modus Ponens: A famous argument from propositional logic. A deductive argument form characterised as the following: P implies Q. P is true. Therefore, Q must also be true.Tautological: A statement that cannot be false purely based on its logical form. For example “Either it is raining or it is not raining.” or “If it is raining, then it is raining. It is raining. Therefore, it is raining.”The Knowledge Argument from Qualia (Mary’s Room): In his article Epiphenomenal Qualia (1982), Frank Jackson introduces two vivid thought experiments showing the limitations of physicalism to explain subjective experience (qualia) using two characters Fred and Mary. The latter thought experiment, Mary’s Room, became famous in Philosophy of Mind: a scientist called Mary lives in a black and white room, and studies everything there is to know about colour. But upon leaving the room, she sees red for the first time. The intuitive answer is that she does learn something new from seeing red, which shows that even when presented with a complete physical explanation of something, there is still more that can be learned.The Private Language Argument: In Ludwig Wittgenstein’s Philosophical Investigations (1953), Wittgenstein concludes that a private language, a language only understood by a single individual, cannot be intelligible, even if in principle it seems plausible, because its intelligibility is borrowed from it being publicly accessible. His famous analogy about a beetle in a box is often used to bolster this claim, showing the redundancy of having the word beetle. If nobody else (only yourself) ever gets the chance to see the beetle inside of the box, the inner object (the beetle) becomes irrelevant to meaning.The Explanatory GapHow’s Little Mary Feeling Today?Putting thoughts into words. Even saying “thoughts” feels problematic; it’s probably better to label it as feeling? That’s what it’s been like recently, so much feeling is there, yet the words to describe it just aren’t and never will be.I’ve fixated on this so many times; the way descriptions are detached from experience. It’s a familiar conundrum. The difference between scientific theory and experimental practice, the difference between reading the sheet music and the music itself, the difference between neuronal states and subjective experience. The wavelength of 625–750 nanometers and the redness of red. The uncomfortableness of their separability. The gap that feels impossible to close.I’ve also been hesitating, because we all acknowledge this gap. It’s almost too obvious that it exists, it feels like it’s not even worth your time to mention it. Like saying nice food is delicious, it’s cold in the freezer, the sun is sunny. All men are mortal, Socrates is a man, therefore Socrates is mortal. That’s how my words feel; a perpetual modus ponens that is tautologically sound, but tastes like meaningless word salad. And even to say that’s how they feel is selfish. It discredits the five year old child that is unfortunate enough to see these words. For in his world, they literally have no meaning. In his world, the words are closer to noticing the cracks on a pavement floor than it is to reading the Hungry Caterpillar.And even now using philosophical jargon to mask the obviousness of my point? Who are you trying to impress? Why do you deserve to pretend that it has deeper meaning than it actually does? The assumption that if someone is able to articulate it better than somebody else, gives us a valid reason to follow their train of thought. What a load of nonsense. I’ve solved a problem with a 20 step solution, but if I got the algebra right the first time, I’d save you the confusion.And I worry this about truth: the truer something is, the harder it becomes to articulate. Why even bother saying it outloud? If this is indeed the truth, then by even trying to describe it will make it false? Give the wrong impression. Make it sound like it’s abstract, or possible to jot down with pen and paper. Reality is hiding behind those grammatical structures you learned, but if you learn too many, the walls get so high, it stops you from seeing the reason why they were put up in the first place.I see this child, the teenager, the university student, and I see myself now. I frame the selves as different, build up a narrative to explain to people how much I have changed, how much I have improved, how much I have grown. But, this description does nothing to reconcile the feeling that remains. There’s a slight sadness in admitting that when I fly back to the UK, I’m the same as I was. When I reunite with old high school friends, I’m the same as I was. When I’m here in Japan, I’m the same as I am. We trick ourselves into thinking we are the main authors: the sole director, producer, protagonist all merged into one. When really, it’s always been outside of our control. The real changing goes unseen, left to rot in the end credits of a film when the audience has already gotten up to go.If we forget their inability to reconcile the redness of red, descriptions can seduce us. Make us feel like we are the ones on a pedestal, suspiciously mapping perfectly to how we already carve up the world. For if our environment is small enough, its complexity can be adequately approximated by the symbols we use to represent it.I think a lot about our environments, our offices, our apartments, our living spaces. The world of squares that waits for us when we come home. I wonder about Mary in her little room. What would her inner world even feel like if she stayed in her room forever?The room is 9 by 7 square metres, with two blacked out windows, both 1 by 1 metre, covered with sheet metal from the outside blocking all forms of light from entering. There is a white desk in the corner, with a computer screen placed right in the centre. Although the screen is surrounded by a respectably sized stash of science textbooks, there’s still enough space for a white keyboard and mouse to complement the midfielding monitor.Mary presumably sits at this desk for most of her day, reading physics books about the electromagnetic spectrum & wavelengths, studying biology by looking at the pictures of the animals, reading about neuronal synapses, ion channels & action potentials.From her perspective, the world would feel, in principle, extremely characterisable. Afterall, the entirety of space can be adequately summarised as a cuboid with a basal area of 9 by 7 metres squared. The indented window sills propping up those opaque 1 by 1 metre “windows” are nothing more than difficulty tests sent by god to make characterising the volume of reality slightly more complicated.There’s also only 2 colours afterall. Black and white. They make for interesting mixes which can vary the greyscale of the images contained in the textbooks she reads. She’s even mapped this relationship to a simple function: y = G(m) where m represents the ratio of black to white, and y, the intensity of greyscale that appears in the pictures of the animals she sees while reading her biology books.This would be what reality is. Reading books, in a black and white room, learning so much about the world. In fact, she really knows everything about the world, as she’s had so much time to study about it of course!What would the wavelengths of colours even mean to someone that lives in perpetual black and white? What would sheet metal blocking sunlight even mean to someone that’s never seen it on the outside? What would someone’s surprised reaction at seeing an elephant in real life even mean when what an elephant is, is just a pretty picture from a biology book? Perhaps Mary would get along nicely with that 5 year old child..

Wittgenstein talks about Mary,but he calls her a beetle insteadTrapped in a box, that will always be lockedYou’ll never see what’s in thereBut if you’ll never see on the inside,what point is there using a noun?To refer to the bug or the person in frontof a desk that will never be found?But I swear that I’ve seen little Mary!Zipping round her computer deskBut to say she exists or to think it’s a trickBoth lie beneath what you’ve read..

2025年10月19日 (日) 00:15

A Diary Entry & Some Predicate Logic

w[(Word(w)∧¬Read(w))→¬Meaning(w)]

I wrote a lot of words, a lot of entries, a lot of times when looking back at them, I was pleasantly surprised to find something in the words that I didn’t see before.1. ∃x(DiaryEntry(x)∧WrittenBy(Self,x))2. ∀x(DiaryEntry(x)→ ◊(NewMeaning(x,Self)))I think writing a summary for it now would be too disingenuous, like I’d planned it all out ready to give you a final punchy conclusion. The truth is, I can’t, because my life will continue existing unplanned outside of what was written.3. ¬Planned(SummaryNow(Self))∧DisingenuousIf(SummaryNow(Self))4. Continue(Life(Self))∧Unplanned(Life(Self))I wrote these words with honesty and left them as raw as I could. Yet, within the writing constraints of staying authentic and real, you’re still unable to find me, the real me, in the very descriptions of what was meant to be described. Because I will always fail to recreate the landscape that I see in front of me. Maybe it’s because I only used watercolours, maybe it’s because I can’t paint as well as I used to.5. Honest(Writing(Self))∧Raw(Writing(Self))6. ¬Captures(Writing(Self),Identity(Self))But the truth is, the words you see don’t map onto my experience. They map onto yours! This story is your story, your interpretation of the words, it always was and always will be.7. ∀r(Reader(r)→Interprets(r,Words(Self),OwnExperience(r)))The image in your mind and how it differs from mine remains unknowable, locked away by the fact that words are merely representational; shadows on a cave wall, a small fin of a large fish protruding above the water.8. ∀w(Word(w)→Represents(w,Experience(Self)))∧¬Replicates(w,Experience(Self))The key to the lock isn’t more precision and elaboration of what you meant. It’ll just be more words afterall, more words explaining representations in terms of more representations. How silly that would be.9. More(Words)→More(Representations)10. ¬∃r (Representations(r) ∧ MeaningFixed(r))Although to me, there’s a kind of solace in knowing that I don’t exist in these entries. It feels like there is no ownership, no infringement on somebody. I can do what I like with them!11. Feels(Self,Peace,That(¬ExistsIn(Self,Writing(Self))))Words remain meaningless if nobody is there to read them. What a shame it would be if only I were to get to enjoy all these pleasant surprises.12. ∀w[(Word(w)∧¬Read(w))→¬Meaning(w)]

2025年4月15日 (火)

A fish underlies the nature of words

please read with audio

I want to describe how I’ve been feeling recently, but I lack the creativity to explain it in the way I’d like to. For me to say those words makes this amalgamation of feelings seem like it's extremely complicated or difficult to understand. But, I don’t think it is. It’s just I can’t describe it. Like seeing the redness of red or the taste of a morning coffee. Qualia that are so obvious and easy to understand as the subjective observer, but impossible to describe adequately.This train of thought, I guess, just points to the subjectivity of all things. It’s how at the end of the day, our struggles are other people’s strengths. How in a normal conversation, the mental load required to speak even broken Japanese is completely unreciprocated in a native speaker’s mind.How an ideal grammatical interpretation of a sentence would yield the same surface when spoken out loud, but to a native mind no such interpretation would be consciously present or even known to ever exist in the first place.This fact to me, the indescribability of subjectivity, is what is so frustrating. That everything on the surface has a seemingly infinite amount of possible theoretical interpretations. The worst part is, I don’t want to believe this is true. I want to believe that if I write words on a page, their meanings stay constant, that they will always describe the state of how things were.But any ounce of hope I once had about this being true, I don’t think I can trust anymore. I can’t reconcile my experiences with a static order of things. It’s like the words I am writing are the fins of a large fish protruding above the water, but the nature of the actual fish below is for the observer to decide.Somebody once said that people only listen to music when they see themselves in it. I’m paraphrasing of course, my memory is never sharp enough to remember the specifics, but I like this phrase. To me, it generalises the whole of art as well. In other words, art is only meaningful if the observer believes that they can make out what the fish is underneath the water.It’s funny, I don’t really like the way my internal voice looks when written down; the way it spirals into complex metaphor and longwindedness. In reality, I am only trying to describe things a child could understand. Feeling frustrated, needy, fearful, unsure. I seem to have a habit of doing this, tricked into explaining universal emotions with overanalysis, thinking that I’ve struck gold. This happens a lot in maths, where the method I’d use would quickly devolve into overly complicated steps. Like how it takes Russell & Whitehead 360 pages to prove 1 + 1 = 2.“From this proposition it will follow, when arithmetical addition has been defined, that 1 + 1 = 2.” (from Vol I of Principia Mathematica)They’d follow it up in volume II with…“The above proposition is ocasionally useful”I find it hilarious. I wonder if they were aware of how funny it was at the time? Does an emotion need a mechanistic explanation? Does a number require a 360 page proof?Maybe the fish was never meant to be seen after all.Maybe all I ever needed to say was I’m feeling a bit lost today.

Contact me

A British artist working in Japan. 🇬🇧
日本で働いているイギリス人のアーティストです。🇯🇵

Science, Maths & Philosophy

"If we aren't supposed to eat from the fridge at night, why is there a light inside?" - Gregas12

About this page

These topics mark some areas of interest that feel intergal to my sense of personal identity. Most content is educationally orientated so don't expect any rocket science.
Because my writing is never clear enough, the philosophy section is particuraly hard to read (it's also skewed heavily towards metaphysics, and I cba for ethics). I thought I'd tell you in advance beforehand.

Biochemistry

A British artist working in Japan. 🇬🇧
日本で働いているイギリス人のアーティストです。🇯🇵

Disclaimers

As an undergraduate, my degree program was skewed towards the biology side of things. Unfortunately, I actually didn't really like biology as much as the chemistry side fo stuff. I have forgot most of what I learnt, I only remember the chemistry stuff and practical things from working in the lab. Most of my knowledge is around protein production & expression in BL21 DE3 cells for NMR analysis.

Biochemistry

A British artist working in Japan. 🇬🇧
日本で働いているイギリス人のアーティストです。🇯🇵

Amino Acid Mondays

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Amino acids are the building blocks of proteins (I apologise this sentence feels like the biochemical equivalent to the "Mitochondria are the powerhouse of the cell") There are 20 of them you gotta memorise if you study biochemistry and don't want to look like an idiot in front of the lab technicians. To help you memorise all 20 canonical proteinogenic α-amino acids (unnecessarily long phrasing and there are actually 22 but don't worry about that), I made some videos discussing 2 at a time.
The 20 are Alanine, Arginine, Asparagine, Aspartic acid, Cysteine, Glutamic acid, Glutamine, Glycine, Histidine, Isoleucine, Leucine, Lysine, Methionine, Phenylalanine, Proline, Serine, Threonine, Tryptophan, Tyrosine, and Valine. the other 2, Pyrrolysine & Selenocysteine are rarer. the former is only really found in methanogens, the latter in all species but it's just it's big brother cysteine is way more common.Originally, I'd upload a video every Monday as a study aid for students in the School of Biological Science Society (SOBSS)😢 when I was a biochemistry student. If you are lazy like me, you can learn 2 amino acid structures a week. Then, after 10 weeks, you'll have added some surface area to your smooth brain.Also 2 important tips: First, because all α-amino acids have the same base structure, all you have to do is remember the sidechains (I have circled each sidechain in red in my silly hand-drawn amino acids to make you feel as silly as my silly drawings). Second, memorise the 1 letter codes for them so you can read protein sequences (This will be extremely important when reading the literature, you can thank me later). The first 2 videos don't contain them because I was too busy being silly (I've add them in the amino acid diagrams).
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Week 1: Glycine & Alanine

Figure 1: Glycine (left), Alanine (right)

CORRECTIONS:
Glycine is a helix breaker (not a major component in the alpha helix)
IUPAC name: carbon labelled 1 should be on the COOH not the methyl (CH3).
Welcome to this pilot episode of Amino acid mondays. The plan is to cover 2 amino acids a week in a really quick video. I'll be going as fast as I can and will try to cover some facts I know about them off the top of my head!Some Juicy Sauces:
Alanine World Hypothesis Alanine Wiki Glycine Wiki Spidroin stuff

Week 2: Leucine & Isoleucine

Figure 2: Leucine (left), Isoleucine (right)

Week 2 of this, hope you enjoy! corrections will be posted here if needed.Music by me
Sources: Leucine Isoleucine Insulin Resistance

Week 3: Valine & Tryptophan

Figure 3: Valine (left), Tryptophan (right)

Corrections:
Isopropyl group should include the bond, bonded to the chiral amino acid carbon! For Huckel's rule tryptophan's pyrrole and benzene ring is treated as 1 system that has 10 pi electrons (This still obeys huckel's rule).
Sources:
Tryptophan Valine Huckel's rule

Week 4: Phenylalanine & Tyrosine

Figure 4: Phenylalanine (left), Tyrosine (right)

Hello everyone, here's the 4th vid in the series hope you enjoy it, will post corrections in description if they come up:Sources:
Phenylalanine Tyrosine

Week 5: Methionine & Cysteine

Figure 5: Methionine (left), Cysteine (right)

We're halfway there! Welcome to video 5. It's all about the sulphur containing amino acids.Sources:
Methionine Cysteine

Week 6: Serine & Threonine

Figure 6: Serine (left), Threonine (right)

Welcome to video 6! Today we're looking at Serine and Threonine!Sources:
Serine Catalytic Triad Threonine

Week 7: Aspartic Acid & Asparagine

Figure 7: Aspartic Acid (left), asparagine (right)

Corrections:
Can call it aspartate, but aspartate refers to its ionic form, IUPAC name should be from the first carbon as shown in the video.
Sources:
Music Aspartic Acid Asparagine

Week 8: Glutamic Acid & Glutamine

Figure 8: Glutamic Acid (left), Glutamine (right)

Week 9: Arginine & Lysine

Figure 9: Arginine (R--->), Lysine (K--->)

Sources:
Movie science mistakes lysine arginine
lysine methylation: Alberts B, Johnson A, Lewis J, Raff M, Roberts K, & Walter P. (2008). Molecular Biology of the Cell. 5th ed. New York: Garland Science pp. 390-405

Week 10: Histidine & Proline

Figure 10: Histidine (left), Proline (Right)

Last episode, hope you enjoyed the series!Sources:
Histidine Proline Trypsin

Philosophy

Or should I say.... PHILANsophy. I'll shut up now. Enjoy reading this shit show.

Everything Else

Cool stuff I did a while back. Legacy stuff if you will.😎
このページは古いプロジェクトについてです。👴

Warhammer Channel

A YouTube channel where I post anything to do with Warhammer 40k. You'll see a battle report or army video from time to time. Give it a look if you're interested.

z0mcraft

In 2012 to 2014, I used to run a popular minecraft server called z0mcraft. If you want a nostalgia trip, please check out the wayback machine link.

Science Channel

A science youtube channel I used to run as an undergrad biochem student.

Undead House Video Game

When I was 16, I finished a video game called Undead house, it has a bunch of stolen assets from everywhere, feel free to sue me idc.

I've enjoyed making a variety of projects throughout my time on the internet. I've highlighted some of the most interesting ones here if you wanted to check them out. The only one I still run is the warhammer YouTube Channel unfortunately, so if there are problems with any of the other things here, I will do fuck all to fix them. Thank you for reading.

The Whiteboard

I'm happy you found this place.😊
このところ探して良かった。😊